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Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand…

March 24, 2009 5:00 pm

* Clouds are high flying fogs.

* The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming

back down.

* The process of turning steam back into water again is called

conversation.

* Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of

them.

* Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what

you are talking about.

* Geometry teaches us to bisex angles

* A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending

* Rainbows are just to look at, not to really

understand.

* We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by

spontaneous generation and study of rocks.

* By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-

haired sheep.

* If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of

adolescence.

* Vegetative propagation is the process by which one

individual manufactures another individual by accident.

* A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.

* The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the

soul.

* When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a

glacier.

* It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the

mind.

* Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human

branes have more convulsions.

* For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently

back and forth.

* For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a

blanket for shock.

* While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance

from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

* South America has cold summers and hot winters, but

somehow they still manage.

* Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which

way it wants to go.

* There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of

the Earth because of so much population stomping around up

there these days.

* Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while

others preferred to be oil.

* A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more

extinct it is.

* Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you

don’t why you should.

* Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them

know we know they’re there.

* Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

* Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the

species.

* Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats

backwards.

* To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male

wears a condominium.

* We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.

* Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget

to put the top on.

* To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to

chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know

how to do it, and that is the important thing.

* Clouds just keep circling the Earth around and around. And

around. There is not much else to do.

* Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough

to be called a drop, it does.

* When there is fog, you might as well not mind looking at it.

* Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding

water.

* We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown

when we breathe.

* In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.

* Rain is often spoken of as soft water, oppositely known as

hail.

* In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog’s tongue

will kill the strongest man.

* A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

* A thunderstorm is like a shower, only more so.

* Thunder is a rich source of loudness

* Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their

names sound.

* It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there

have to live other places.

* The wind is like the air, only pushier.

* Question: In what ways are we dependent on the sun?

Answer: We can always depend on the sun for sunburn and

tidal waves.

* Until it is decided whether tornadoes are typhoons or hurricanes, we must continue to call them tornadoes.

* In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find

there are twice as many H’s as O’s.

* Water is composed of two gins,

Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.

* Hydrogin is gin and water.

* When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath,

you expire.

* H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

* When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon

monoxide.

* Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a

free state.

* Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and

caterpillars.

* Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

* The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.

* A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can

hold.

* Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like

umbrellas.

* The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

* Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

* Liter: A nest of young puppies.

* Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

* Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is

affirmative or negative.

* To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the

nose.

* For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until

the heart stops.

* For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and

down to make Artificial perspiration.

* For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has

not recovered, then kill it.

* For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the

patient is dead.

* To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.

* For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it

drops in your throat.

* To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.

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