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…You can’t trust dogs to watch your food…

March 20, 2009 7:52 pm

A few interesting pointers from kids… 🙂

 

◊ There is no such thing as childproofing your house.

◊ If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.

◊ A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

◊ If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 foot room.

◊ When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

◊ A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

◊ The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

◊ When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘Uh-oh,’ it’s already too late.

◊ A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

◊ If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak — it explodes.

◊ A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000  sq foot house 4 inches deep.

◊ Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old. Super glue is forever.

◊ ‘Play Dough’ and ‘microwave’ should never be used in the same sentence.

◊ Small pets and microwaves are a bad combination.

◊ Tarzan can teach us many things we don’t want to know.

◊ Crayons do not remain solid when stored on a car’s dashboard on a hot summer day.

◊ No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.

◊ Pool filters do not like Jello-O.

◊ No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.

◊ Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

◊ You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.

◊ When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

◊ If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.

◊ Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

◊ Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

◊ Never leave a toddler, a furry animal and a a pair of scissors alone in the same room.

◊ Pool filters do not like Jello.

◊ Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.

◊ You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk

◊ VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, although TV commercials show they do.

◊ Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

◊ Always look in the oven before you turn it on. (That durn hamster!)

◊ Plastic toys do not like ovens.

◊ The fire department in your town has at least a 5-minute response time.

◊ The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

◊ It will, however, make cats dizzy.

◊ Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

◊ Don’t flush the toilet when you dad’s in the shower.

◊ Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.

◊ Stay away from prunes.

◊ Never tell your little brother that you’re not going to do what your mom told you to do.

◊ Never spit when on a roller coaster.

◊ When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone.

◊ Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.

◊ Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.

◊ When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him.

◊ Never bug a pregnant mom.

◊ Never ask for anything that costs more than ten dollars when your parents are doing taxes.

◊ Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning.

◊ When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.

◊ Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.

◊ You should never take a goldfish for a walk; even on a leash.

◊ Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.

◊ A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

◊ The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. sauer kraut permalink
    March 20, 2009 7:59 pm 7:59 pm

    I’ve tried no.1 but have never been successful in getting the dust bunny to combust.

    Never.

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