…You can’t trust dogs to watch your food…
A few interesting pointers from kids… 🙂
◊ There is no such thing as childproofing your house.
◊ If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with rollerblades, they can ignite.
◊ A 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
◊ If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 foot room.
◊ When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
◊ A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
◊ The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
◊ When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘Uh-oh,’ it’s already too late.
◊ A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
◊ If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak — it explodes.
◊ A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
◊ Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old. Super glue is forever.
◊ ‘Play Dough’ and ‘microwave’ should never be used in the same sentence.
◊ Small pets and microwaves are a bad combination.
◊ Tarzan can teach us many things we don’t want to know.
◊ Crayons do not remain solid when stored on a car’s dashboard on a hot summer day.
◊ No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
◊ Pool filters do not like Jello-O.
◊ No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
◊ Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
◊ You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
◊ When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
◊ If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
◊ Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
◊ Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
◊ Never leave a toddler, a furry animal and a a pair of scissors alone in the same room.
◊ Pool filters do not like Jello.
◊ Raising teenagers is like nailing JELLO to a tree.
◊ You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
◊ VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, although TV commercials show they do.
◊ Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
◊ Always look in the oven before you turn it on. (That durn hamster!)
◊ Plastic toys do not like ovens.
◊ The fire department in your town has at least a 5-minute response time.
◊ The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
◊ It will, however, make cats dizzy.
◊ Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
◊ Don’t flush the toilet when you dad’s in the shower.
◊ Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.
◊ Stay away from prunes.
◊ Never tell your little brother that you’re not going to do what your mom told you to do.
◊ Never spit when on a roller coaster.
◊ When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone.
◊ Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.
◊ Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.
◊ When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him.
◊ Never bug a pregnant mom.
◊ Never ask for anything that costs more than ten dollars when your parents are doing taxes.
◊ Sleep in your clothes so you’ll be dressed in the morning.
◊ When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
◊ Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
◊ You should never take a goldfish for a walk; even on a leash.
◊ Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
◊ A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
◊ The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma’s lap.