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It’s okay to be depressed… A few thoughts on getting throught it and keeping your sanity.

June 13, 2011 7:14 pm

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling like the top of the world. Trust me – at the moment I’m writing this – me neither. Even when I laugh and joke around – I still am the same way inside – crappy. Just trying to find a temporary outlet and smile every once in a while helps…

Depression is a state of mind as well as happiness. Here is my take on it – I can’t stand it when people start being too positive with me when I say I’m depressed or everything in my life is going so bad that I’m on the edge of a nervous breakdown… They start telling me how happy and positive I should be, how grateful I should be with what I have and balance my wants vs my needs…and so on… It only irritates me more. Because those people have no goddamn idea what it’s like to be in a situation when everything just sucks. And whatever you do to try and get yourself out of it somehow goes into a spin, something else goes wrong and everything gets even worse…. and all that shit brings you down even more…

Now, the ugly truth: there isn’t t much you can do to feel better. That’s what I discovered anyway. You have to go through that wave of depression in your life and know that things will get better. Things change – it’s a fact. So nothing will stay the same forever, good or bad. And you need to let yourself be depressed and feel shitty to let the stress out and not keep it in. I start smoking more and being extra bitchy and kinda whiny sometimes. It helps when you can talk to someone who understands how you feel, someone who won’t judge you, won’t bring you even more down and say you’re weak and need to be stronger… Someone who won’t just state the obvious, and most likely you don’t want to hear that anyway…

Someone – a friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, child, sibling, mentor, therapist, your dog perhaps? Just listing all the possible options y’all ;). Unfortunately for me I don’t have anyone like that anymore so I take on the world one day at a time – helps me cope better. I do have a dog, and even couple of cats, but they aren’t big on conversation, not in a way I like to talk anyway :). I used to have a friend for a couple of years, someone I was also seeing – nice combination isn’t it? What I miss the most is the fact that I lost a friend in him when we separated, miss the support I received from him, sincere support, and giving the same support back and knowing we both could rely on each other, good or bad. Not to say either of us never f*cked up, but you have to allow someone room for mistakes because no one is perfect, no one.

Having someone to rely on emotionally definitely helps. You can’t keep all the negative emotions to yourself – you’ll get very very depressed. And it’s not good for your health either – the stress and trying to hold it in inside. Maybe that’s why I feel like talking helps me personally. I really enjoy writing – it’s one of the ways of self-expression along with painting and drawing…

I’ve been experiencing a wave of “bad luck” for over six months now, non-stop. I don’t know how I made it through all the hell I’ve been through but I made it. Trying to learn from the past and use that knowledge to be smarter in the future. I’m also sometimes discouraged if I don’t see immediate results and trying to work on myself to get better at it… To understand that many things take time and in preparation I won’t see any results. But it doesn’t mean I need to stop working towards it…

It’s all in our perception too… But it’s very hard to change your perception, especially when things are crappy in your life… To see an opportunity in a failure. Especially your own failure.

  This is the best that I can outline my thoughts and what helps me when I’m feeling down.

Maybe it will help you. Maybe just reading this will help. Maybe you’ll share what helps you to deal with stress when your world starts to crumble…

Irreversibly depressed and overwhelmingly bitter (at the moment anyways),

Amarille

Listening to: Phantogram “When I’m Small”

One Comment leave one →
  1. Eve permalink
    July 11, 2011 5:59 pm 5:59 pm

    I found this post tonight, when I’ve been feeling really low and felt I had no where to go. But just reading the first sentence made me want to continue reading the rest. ‘Sorry to hear you’re not feeling like the top of the world. Trust me – at the moment I’m writing this – me neither.’ Sometimes its comforting to know your not alone, even if its just a stranger with you, and even if this post was written years ago. I just had to leave you a message to say thank you, and I am bookmarking this post to read in my future dark moments xxx

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